If I compare my 32 years on this earth to my peers, social and cultural standards, and even my own expectations, I have far from “arrived.” If I'm honest, sometimes I feel like I'm traveling backwards. Singleness, career moves, life accomplishments, whatever else – is this how I envisioned my life as I begin the ascent into my mid 30s? Um. Emphatically, no. Truthfully, some of those perceived “under-achievements” haunted me in the midst of this quarantined pandemic year.

But. As I think about my life at 22, I see a spiritually bankrupt, emotionally hardened, and purpose starved Michael, battling a secret war of willpower to not live anymore. My early 20s were dark. I know most of you reading this now didn't know me then. I was a different person.

All to say, I am truly a testament to God's grace and a mother's prayers. And I find it necessary on my birthday to revisit a painful ten years prior. Somehow, it sobers me with a strikingly clear contrast of how far I've journeyed in my faith.

So, I've resolved that if God didn't give up on me as an idiot praying for Him to remove me from this earth, I have complete faith that He won't forsake me in this unknown precarious season as well. The good news though?

I've discovered an intrinsic common thread throughout my story, I wasn't created to live a conventional life. I’ve always challenged orthodoxy and struggled to fit within the mundane and monotonous. I feel confident that the life that God has called me to isn’t like most. And with that the Lord spoke clearly to me this year.

He said, “I want you to celebrate the Exploration over the Exhibition.” What did He mean? So often we merit our lives based on the museum finished artwork (call that the Insta version) and refuse to share the process (the BTS, pain, tears, and sweat). My resume, AGI, marital status – none of that is the end goal.

I’m rediscovering that the true beauty is in trying new things, exploring unknowns, taking risks, and boldly leading people to Jesus along the way. I’m not without vision or purpose. I just have complete faith that God is in the process too. So cheers to 32! I can’t wait for the year ahead!